Complex and intense emotions around death, dying, and finances are the reasons why so many people avoid estate planning. However, avoiding emotions and thereby procrastinating around one of the most important steps you can take to protect your loved ones doesn’t make the feelings go away.
When our clients finally embark on the estate planning path, they frequently exclaim how relieved they are and what powerful peace of mind they receive from having their estate plans in order.
The Most Common Emotions That Block Estate Planning
Here are some common emotions or internal conflicts that block people from moving forward with estate plans.
Inability to talk about death or think about death
Very few people are actually death-phobic, but many people are death-avoidant. They don’t want to think about dying, or they remain detached from the reality that they don’t have control over their death or when and how it will happen. The idea of dying becomes a fantasy realm where people know they’re going to die “someday” and feel they have endless time to prepare for that.
Unfortunately, nobody has control over when and how they die, so beginning to open to the reality of your death (gently) can help you also realize how important it is to begin planning for that.
- Helpful Tip: Remember that estate plans aren’t just about death. The process is also designed to ensure your decisions are carried out (medically, financially, legally, etc.) if you cannot make your own decisions (incapacitation). For example, if you were seriously injured but recovered from a car accident, you still need certain documents in place to help others make the right medical decisions for you until you are responsive or recovered.
- Simple steps: Complete your Advance Medical Directive, a powerful first step in outlining your values, medical treatment/care preferences, and other related wishes. If you already have one in place, revisit it to ensure it still reflects your preferences, think about any other end-of-life instructions or plans you’d like others to know about, and file them with your Advanced Medical Directive.
Deep grief around not being alive for loved ones
One of the reasons we struggle to accept the idea of death is that we worry about our loved ones. The irony is that your loved ones – especially children – are far more at risk if you haven’t prepared for your family’s future in the event of your death or a life-altering injury/illness.
Imagine what it would be like for your children if you and your spouse/partner were killed or incapacitated in the same accident. Or think about what it would feel like for your spouse if something happened to you and they had to tackle all of the documents associated with estate planning while also having to field the deep grief associated with your loss. If you are 65+, not having estate plans in place means putting your heirs and beneficiaries in the horrible position of navigating the probate process, which can take a tremendous amount of time, money, and energy.
- Helpful Tip: Put yourself in your loved one’s shoes and imagine all they would have to do if you died without an estate plan. Where would the children live? What about pet care? Do you have a small business that needs to be dissolved or sold?
- Simple Steps: Complete legal guardianship plans for minor children. Ensure that the Pay On Death (POD) beneficiary designation(s) are filled out for all your financial accounts (checking, savings, investments, retirement accounts, etc.). In most cases, you can do this online. If you can’t find the correct location, contact the financial institution, and they will help you. This one step is invaluable for ensuring financial accounts are divided how you want them to be, without having to make a will or trust (yet).
Complicated emotions around family dynamics
Another emotional block can be the range of complicated emotions surrounding family dynamics. Some clients have no problem with facing their own death, but they do struggle to wade through how they want to distribute their assets to their children or other heirs and desired beneficiaries.
Things that impact this emotional challenge presented by estate planning include:
- Having different opinions from your spouse (or other family members) about who should inherit what or who should serve essential roles like the POA, healthcare proxy, guardians for minor children, etc.
- Blended families.
- Having an estranged relationship with a close family member (remember that with no estate plan in place, that person will likely inherit a percentage of your estate according to California’s intestate succession laws).
- A child or heir is notoriously irresponsible with money (you can create a spendthrift trust).
- Wanting to create different financial bequests based on your relationship, closeness, or gratitude for a particular family member or friend who isn’t a typical “heir” and worrying about how that will make your children or other heirs feel.
Helpful Tip: Take some time to write about what you’re most worried about and why it’s stopping you from creating your estate plan. You can begin to untangle the thoughts or emotions around the blocks by making bullet points around your top concerns. It may help you see more clearly how you want to move forward.
Simple Step: Instead of having a family conversation about estate plans, think about having one with a trusted friend, spiritual leader, or therapist. Sometimes, speaking things out loud helps to relieve the pressure and prevents them from spinning endlessly in your head. You can also schedule a single session with an estate planning attorney who can provide guidance or give examples of how other clients have handled similar emotions or complexities.
Tseng Facilitates Clients Through The Emotional Complexities Tied To Estate Planning
Are you (and your partner) finding it challenging to navigate the complex or emotional aspects of estate planning? Tseng Law Firm is a boutique Bay Area estate planning firm. We work closely with our clients, creating step-by-step estate plans personalized to their values, goals, and decisions.
We understand that creating estate planning documents is tender ground and can bring up strong emotions. We’re here to support you every step along the way. Contact us to schedule a no-obligation discovery session, (510) 835-3090, and learn more about our client-centric process.