How To Talk To Your Family About Estate Planning

how to talk to your family about estate planning

Talking about estate planning with your family can be challenging. Sometimes, our clients have a hard time approaching the subject; other times, their children or loved ones are unable or unwilling to talk about it because of the complicated emotions that arise.

Sharing Estate Plans With Loved Ones: Who to Tell & How

However, talking about your estate plan is important. For example, anyone you have selected as your trustee, power of attorney (POA), medical/health care proxy, guardians for your children, and so on should not only be familiar with and understand your wishes – but they must be in complete agreement to take on those roles.

In a perfect world, estate planning conversations would be the norm because life is unpredictable, and we never know what will happen or when. There is so much more to comprehensive estate planning than making plans for after you die. Some of the most crucial estate planning documents take effect while you’re still living and can impact everything from the healthcare choices that guide your care if you’re incapacitated to your annual taxes.

Always talk to your family about estate planning Or anyone with a designated role

If you are assigning someone a role or a particular responsibility if you’re incapacitated or after your death, they should absolutely be notified ahead of time. 

People who should know about your estate plans or the portions of your estate plans that pertain to them include:

Your estate planning attorney will be happy to meet with them so they understand what the role entails in addition to your personal expectations and wishes. 

It’s essential that those parties understand that this is a legal responsibility as well as a personal one. They need time to digest the information and decide whether or not they can agree with 100% commitment.

How and what to tell your heirs

There is no rule that says you must tell heirs the details of your estate plan. In fact, in some cases, especially if there is dissension or complex family dynamics, this may be best left to your estate planning attorney after you die.

Use the new year as a launch pad for introducing the subject

The beginning of the new year can be a good time to discuss this subject. We encourage clients to revisit their estate plans to ensure everything is current. Once any potential changes have been made and your estate plans are current, consider setting up an in-person or video meeting with your children or relevant heirs.

Once you let your family members or loved ones know you’d like to talk about your estate plans, you will get immediate feedback about who is open to the subject – and who struggles with the idea. You may need to baby-step into these conversations to make them more palatable.

Take baby steps if necessary To Talk To Your Family About Estate Planning

If everyone is on board, you can decide what to share, and your estate planning lawyer can help guide you through the process. In most cases, not every detail of the estate plan needs to be disclosed, but key points should be shared. If the subject seems emotionally charged or some of the people you want to inform are struggling to consider the idea, take baby steps.

You can decide whether to announce one thing or just a few things to get the idea into their awareness. And after, you can inform them that you would like to speak about it in more detail at a future date – perhaps three to six months from the initial meeting.

Priority sharing in the baby steps plan would include:

  • That you have an estate plan. 
  • Where copies of it can be found.
  • Your estate planning attorney’s contact information.
  • All or some of the designated roles we listed above, beginning with who the executor or trustee will be.

If you don’t feel that it will cause conflict, you may want to share other things with your family, like the plans for your homes or other properties and other significant bequeaths you feel should be known ahead of time.

Write it out If You Can’t Talk To Your Family About Estate Planning

Once the initial meeting is over, it’s a good idea to send an email recapping whatever you choose to share. It can seem like everybody is taking in what you’re saying, but conversations like these can also send loved ones into a mode where nothing is processed.  

Following up with an email or a hand-written letter containing a printed list of items you discussed or want them to know gives your heirs or beneficiaries something they can come back to as a reference point. They can digest the information at their own pace. 

Request that your children or heirs archive that email so they have it if and when they need it in the future. Your attorney can also craft a letter on their letterhead outlining some of the key points or things to know about your estate plan, which provides the attorney’s contact information and what you want them to know in one place.

Have individual conversations about bequeaths

This may or may not be relevant, depending on your estate. But sometimes, children and grandchildren have precious memories tied to objects that may or may not have much financial value. If it feels comfortable with clients, we always think it’s a good idea to have individual conversations with heirs about what things are meaningful to them. 

This is one of the best ways to ensure that your items are bequeathed to people who will truly value them. If possible, you may even want to give these items away to the people who cherish them before you die, which can clear up any confusion  around topics like “…but mom always said I was going to get great-grandma’s crystal vase.” 

The more you’re able to talk to people about who gets what when you die, the more you may notice unwarranted favoritism you didn’t realize existed – and this is a good time to correct if it’s not feeling right to you.

Tseng Law Firm Can Facilitate Estate Planning Conversations With Your Family

The estate planning attorneys at Tseng Law Firm are always happy to facilitate conversations with your family members and loved ones. Having an objective third-party facilitator on hand can be very helpful to answer any questions and minimize the potential for negative emotions to steal the show.

Whether you have an existing estate plan and would like to schedule a family meeting or you are interested in setting your estate plans in motion, Tseng Law Firm is here to support that process. Contact us to schedule a consultation or to learn more about how we can help.